Question: Do I Need to Agree with My Husband Theologically? If a husband and wife are both strong believers but disagree on a theological point in scripture (the wife’s interpretation aligns more with conservative churches, while the husband’s view is more liberal, but it’s a secondary issue, not about salvation), does the wife, in order to be submissive, need to drop her view and start to agree with her husband? Should she teach the children her husband’s view when it’s not how she actually believes?
Answer by Israel Wayne:
1. Does she need to drop her view and start to agree with her husband?
A. Absolutely not! A woman does not cease to have a brain and her own spiritual life simply because she get married.
2. Should she teach the children her husband’s view when it’s not how she actually believes?
A. Yes and no. As her children get older, she should share her husband’s view with her children when the issue comes up, being careful not to unfairly caricature it, or misrepresent it, but she should also share her own view.
Biblical submission does not mean you cease to be an individual with your own thoughts and beliefs. It simply means that you as a wife trust your husband (if he is a Jesus-loving Christian) to lead the family in a general direction. Quarreling is not godly, but having respectful disagreement is fine.
Probably the most difficult secondary doctrine to walk out as a married couple with children (besides birth control, or child discipline) would be infant vs. believers’ baptism. In the case of baptism, I believe the father should make the final decision on that, but the wife can obviously share her views with her husband, and her children as they get older, if she continues to disagree with her husband on the issue.
The Foundations in Faith, Bible doctrine curriculum I wrote is very helpful for helping entire families work through the Primary and Secondary doctrines. Having disagreement does not mean two people cannot deeply love and respect each other despite their differences on secondary doctrines.
Also helpful is my catechism for families, Foundational Truths, that teaches the primary doctrines in a non-denominational question / answer format.
Israel Wayne is an author and conference speaker and Founder of Family Renewal, LLC. He is the husband of Brook (for over 25 years) and father of eleven children.
